craigfandomcom-20200213-history
Craig
'''Craig the Bong Genie '''is the magical revival of Hitler and the lead character of Craig + Gollum. Born after Mr. and Satan smoked a bong filled with Hitler's ashes, Craig's existence was so powerful that it sent Satan back to the depths of hell. He is a prominent character throughout the entire series and is the main love interest of Gollum. Biography Craig was first created when Mr. smoked a bong filled with the ashes of Adolf Hitler along with the spirit Satan, who was, at that point in time, embodied in Felix the Frenchman. As Satan put his lips to the bong, his dark energy seeped into the ashes, and a genderless spirit seeped out of the bong. After Mr. threw his shoe at the spirit, the spirit absorbed the shoe and took on the male gender while simultaneously letting out a whisper of "CRAIG," leading the spirit to refer to himself as Craig. As the spirit became Craig, his power was released in one burst that vaporized Felix the Frenchman and sent Satan to the depths of Hell. Craig then appeared in an unknown location of North Dakota, where he was raised by mountain frogs. One day, Craig found a really funny looking rock, which he ate. As he felt a rumbling in his stomach, he knew that as a spirit, he had been altered into a genie and became spiritually attached to the nearest object of significance, which happened to be the Eiffel Tower. A few days later, a woman rubbed the Eiffel Tower which summoned Craig, now a spiritual classification of Bong Genie. He granted the woman three wishes. The first made the woman fabulously wealthy, and the second made her irresistible to anyone of the male gender, which changed her spiritual classification from human to siren. Lastly, because Craig had been so good to her, she wished for him to be freed from the Eiffel Tower. Freed from his genie bonds, he began following the woman, as she had become irresistible to anyone of the male gender, including Craig. Still seeking true freedom, Craig summoned his inner gender and tore off its arm and replaced it with that of a howler monkey, before shoving his inner gender back in, therefore reversing the effects of Mr.'s shoe and taking on the gender of howler monkey. Relieved that Craig was no longer stalking her, the woman gave Craig her blessings, as sirens can bless others to be very attractive. Yet even with his new found freedom, Craig found that he still loved the siren, and so started a relationship with the siren. He eventually had a child with the siren named Dino. Scared that Craig's bong genie powers were too dangerous to keep Dino, the siren seduced a magician and began an affair with him before convincing him to create a portal to the 15th Plane of Imagination, a region where Craig wouldn't be able to use his bong genie powers. She escaped into the portal with Dino. Heartbroken, Craig appeared himself to the Golden Gate Bridge and jumped off, but didn't die, being a Bong Genie and therefore immortal. He appeared himself back to the top, when an ugly human interfered. After being convinced to not jump off again, the ugly human makes friends with Craig, introducing himself as Gollum. After a romantic montage of the two participating in activities together, they ended up falling in love. Unexpectedly, Gollum became pregnant, which drove the two to become married. At the wedding, Gollum's parents attended, which ended up being Mr. and his wife. Using his bong genie powers to explore the mind of Mr., to his horror, Craig discovered that Mr. is technically his mom, and Satan technically his dad, making Gollum his half-brother. Then, upon further mind exploration, he saw that Mr.'s relationship with his wife is actually incestuous and that Gollum is the embodiment of Satan, meaning that Gollum is also technically Craig's dad. Still, Craig decided that he loves Gollum, and carried through with the marriage. But the fact that Mr. was lying to them all angered him, which drove him to shoot Mr. in the chest with a potato gun, killing him instantly. The mountain frogs attending the wedding then followed up by devouring Mr.'s body, only to become possessed by the spirit of Mr., resulting in Mr.'s spirit being dispersed between four different mountain frogs. Through his new embodiment, Mr. forgives Craig and apologized for lying to everyone, and reveals all of his secrets. Gollum eventually gave birth to a satanic weed genie spirit, which they name Baby. | |[[Category:Characters]]||}}